The Birthday From H.E. Double Hockeysticks
by Flirtatious Flamingo
Summary: Four chibis....one birthday party...and one angry Saiyan Prince left in charge...it ain't pretty...Chap4: Happy Hour!! (the end) And a couple of other tidbits of info.....
1. Default Chapter

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(A/N: This is just a little humor fic so I can clear my head from all the drama of Demon Within. I think I'll write a sequel to that instead of Curse of the Rose, I'm already working on a slew of other Gohan/ Chibi-Usa fics, so I really don't want to write a sequel about one that's already water under the bridge. Anyhoo, enough about old business and on with the new. JUST READ THE DAMN FIC FOR PEAT'S SAKE!!)

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A girl with hair the size of a bush sits down at the computer, trying to think of new ways to torture and humiliate the characters from her two favorite anime.

"I think a certain Saiyan Prince should put up with four brats....FOR AN ENTIRE SLEEPOVER!!! MUH HA HA HA *cough**sputter* HA HA ha aha...*chokes*...damn...I should give up on this whole evil bit...."

*******

Trunks is shaking some of his birthday presents to try and see what's inside....he hasn't had much luck yet....

"Sounds like...wool? What the Hell? Grandma knitted me socks...again...Why don 't these people listen to me when I say I want a Game Cube? 

G-A-M-E-C-U-B-E, it's not like it's hard! Get with the program!"

He picks up another present to try to see what it is.

"Lets see...another clothing item....it's ohhh...ahh...damn it Dad! What man in his right mind gets a kid spandex and hair gel?! Just because Goku and Goten look like twins doesn't mean I want to look like his! !"

"Trunks...can I come out now?" Goten's voice came from a near-by closet.

"Oh! Heh...heh...I'm sorry Goten, I forgot we were playing hide-and-go-seek..."

"I figured that, I've been in a closet for over two and a half hours! I think after the first hour some of the dust bunnies were starting to talk to me...(O_o)"

"'Kay...that's ...um...nice...."

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

"I think that's Chibi-Usa, she's late for everything," Trunks grumbled as he answered the door. He opened it to find Chibi-Usa with an apologetic look on her face. It seemed she had a friend....

"I'm sorry, my cousin....I mean sister...I mean MOTHER made me bring her."

By _her_ she meant Chibi-Chibi, who stood right next to her with a goofy look on her face.

Trunks raised an eyebrow. "What is that? And why is it's hair twice as big as it's head?" (A/N: This ain't Chibi-Chibi bashing, but if you take a close look, her hair really is twice as big as her head...approximately...)

"The answers to those questions are exclusive property rights of Unsolved Mysteries."

"I see...."

"Aren't there any other kids coming?"

"Unfortunately no. All of the other kid's mothers are afraid of me because of my purple hair....oh, and the whole 'special power' thing too."

"You wouldn't be-_lieve_ how many people think I'm evil! There's even a project C.U.S.S. online dedicated to disfiguring me!"

"Well...your hair does kinda look like horns...and your eyes are red....so I can kinda see how some people would get that misconception..."

"Oh shut up purple boy!"

"Chibi!" They both looked down to see Chibi-Chibi laughing about something or other...

Trunks narrowed his eyes at her. "Is that all she says?"

"Yep, she's a one-word woman."

Bulma hurriedly ran into the living room, looking for her car keys.

"Bye Trunks, bye Goten, bye Chibi-Usa, bye......bye.....Trunks, what is that you've brought into our living room?" she said, pointing to Chibi-Chibi.

"They like to call it a Chibi-Chibi....we're not really sure what it is yet...."

"Well that's nice. Tell your father to get his ass down here, I need to give hom a list of instructions before I leave."

Trunks bottom lip started to tremble. "Y-you're not staying for my Birthday party?"

"No sweetie, you know I have a meeting with the board tonight."

"So.....if you're not here....we can torture Dad all we want?"

"Yes dear, I guess so."

"That is _so _the best birthday present ever."

"Uh-huh....VEGETA!!!!!! GET DOWN HERE!!!! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!!!!!"

Vegeta grumpily stumbled into the living room. "Damnit woman, you interrupted my "private time."

"Vegeta, why don't you just tell everyone that your "private time" is really an hour of Scooby Doo. Once out in the open you'll feel a lot better about it."

Chibi-Usa rolled her eyes. "Dude, Scooby Doo is so old."

Vegeta glared at her. "At least Scooby Doo is still on the air, unlike some other shows I could mention ::cough:: Sailormoon ::cough::"

Bulma slapped him on the back of his head/hair. "Don't insult eight year olds!!"

Vegeta growled at her.

Bulma shook her head. "Listen, you need to run Trunks' party for me. I've got an emergency board meeting. Here's a list of instructions. Love 'ya! Gotta go!!" And before Vegeta could catch her, she was out the front door.

Vegeta looked down at the list. It read:

1) First take them to Playplace. Trunks will try too con you into paying more than 20.00$ on video games. DON'T DO IT!!! Spend only an hour and a half there.

2) Second, take them to Baskin Robbins. ONLY 2 ICE CREAM CONES A PIECE!!! The only exception is Goten, who can only have one. If he eats more than 30 milligrams of sugar, he becomes even more hyper than that Elmo-thing off of Sesame Street.

3) Take them home for cake. DO NOT LET THEM GET INTO THE MARGARITA MIX!!!! I REPEAT!!!! DO NOT LET THEM IN THE MARGARITA MIX!!!! Trunks and Goten were so drunk last time they were married in Vegas!!! The judge almost wouldn't let them get the divorce!!!! 

4) In bed by 10:00, no later. AND IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS I WON'T LET YOU PUT YOUR WRENCH IN MY TOOLBOX FOR A YEAR!!!!

Thanx, XOXO 

Vegeta looked at the list, then at the kids, then at the list again and grumbled to himself.

"None of this would have ever happened if the woman had stayed on her pill....damn Earthling birth control devices...."

*******

To Be Continued.......

(A/N: Heh, heh, poor Veggie-head.....Next chapter: Destination: Playplace....)


	2. Destination:Playplace, or Vegeta vrs. Sp...

(A/N: Wow am I stupid! *slaps her forehead* I forgot to put in my disclaimer! Well here it is: {insert standard disclaimer here} There. Now that that's over with, ONWARD!!)

*******

"Playplace, playplace, playplace, playplace, playplace, playplace, PLAYPLACE!!!" Goten yelled out the side of the car window.

Chibi-Usa cupped his mouth. "Goten, you're scaring people in passing cars, plus you're ticking off the Veggie-head."

"How can you tell?"

"I can see his face in the rearview mirror. You see that little throbbing vein on his forehead?"

"Well, yes...."

"Weeellll, when it starts turning red, that means he's passed his pissed off point, and into his ticked, and/or hocked off stage."

"Ahh, I see..."

"Chibi! Chibi??" Chibi-Chibi squeaked from the car-seat.

Vegeta gritted his teeth. "My vein does NOT twitch!!!"

"Yes it does!! It's doing it again!!" yelled Chibi-Usa.

Trunks smirked. "She can't help it if you have so many facial faults Dad. Maybe you should get some plastic surgery for that."

"Don't make me turn this damn car around!!"

Suddenly the car jerked as they drove over something that felt like a *very* large speed bump....

"Dad!! Stop running over people with your car!! It's not a toy!!" Trunks yelled.

"But it's so much fun!! Those foolish Earthlings never see me coming!!"

"Kami-Sama, why didn't I just take the bus!!"

"Chibi!!"

"Can somebody shut that thing up?!" Trunks groaned.

Chibi-Usa sighed. "I don't really think you can..."

***

After much more cartrip insanity, Vegeta finally came to a halt at the playplace thingy.

"Do whatever you brats do here, I'm going home."

"No! Mr. Veggie-head! We need money, and a ride home, and you're suppose to take us for ice cream after this!" said Chibi-Usa.

"And Mom will be mad if you drop us off here!" Trunks added.

Vegeta cocked an eyebrow. "Will she deprive me of sex?"

"All signs point to yes."

"Damn your day of birth."

The three children plus Chibi-Chibi dragged Vegeta into the playplace.

"What the Hell am I suppose to do?" asked Vegeta witha bored/angry look on his face.

"You sit here. We go play. You give us money." said Goten, holding out his hands.

Vegeta looked over Bulma's list again.

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1) First, take them to Playplace. Trunks will try to con you out of paying more than 20.00$, DON'T DO IT!!!

So Vegeta gave the kids exactly 19.99$.

"Thanks Dad."

"Thank you Mr. Veggie-head."

"Thank you Mr. Vegeta."

"Chiiiiiiiiiiibiiiiiiiiiiii Chiiiiiiiiiiiibiiiiiiiiiiii."

Vegeta looked quizzically at the video games, and then a smile curled his lips.

"Maybe I should try one of these "game videos" myself...."

The children exchanged worried looks. They led him over to Speed Racer first. It was pretty easy, so they hoped he might not lose.

__

An hour and a half later....

"Go Speed Racer!! GO!!!" yelled Vegeta as he was turning a lap on his 364th game of the evening.....and was still losing... All of the color drained out of his face as he found out that he was still ranked #2 on the top scores sheet. 

"What?! How can this be?!!"

He looked at the person in the #1 spot: Flirtatious Flamingo. (A/N: I have the ego the size of Mt. Rushmore.)

"DAMN YOU FLIRTATIOUS!!!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!!!" he yelled as sent a Final Flash to the unsuspecting video game. 

He looked around, and noticed that everyone else had already left, and that Playplace had already closed up. He saw the kids, long asleep on one of the benches. He counted the number of brats.

"1...2...3...1...2....3........There's suppose to be four brats....where's the one whose hair is bigger than it's head?"

He surveyed the area for movement until he saw somethin in the ball chamber (A/N: 'Ya know, that big pit with a bunch of different colored balls....God that sounds wrong....)

"Heh, heh, it thought it could hide from me...."

Vegeta jumped in the middle of the balls, just missing Chibi-Chibi who dodged to the other side of the pit, laughing about nothing again.

" I COMMAND YOU TO COME BACK URCHIN!!!!!" Vegeta yelled, pouncing in the center of the room. But somehow, Chibi-Chibi got across to the other side of the pit, still laughing her enormous head off. 

The little vein on Vegeta's forehead began to pulse again, so much that it almost glowed.

"What's wrong with the females of this planet? First the Woman making me come here, then that damn Flamingo bitch, and now this....this....THIS!!! AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!!"

He threw down a huge Galic Gun, destroying all of the pretty colored balls, but he still couldn't see Chibi-Chibi....anywhere....

Then a thought hit Vegeta.

__

Oh no...I blew up the brat.....

Then he heard a small giggle....that seemed to come from the Heavens above....

Vegeta got down on his knees. "Oh very small big-headed nuisance!!! I didn't mean to kill you!!! Oh please forgive me!!! And if you could, get me in with the "big guy" up there? I'm not looking forward to going to Hell...again...."

It took a few minutes to dawn on him that the giggle wasn't coming from a dead Chibi-Chibi, but it was Dende, laughing at the fact that Chibi-Chibi was clung to the top of Vegeta's hair. His hair was so tall, and out of reach, he didn't even notice her....it....whatever....

Vegeta picked her up by her left leg and gave her the death glare, even though she was still laughing her ass off. He relooked at Bulma's list.

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2) Take them to Baskin Robins.

"Aww, damn....

He walked back over with Chibi-Chibi to where the kids were sleeping.

"Boy, Brat, Demon-spawn, up, now."

He marched the half-awake and irritable children to the backseat of the car and threw them in, one by one. He strapped Chibi-Chibi with duct tape, rope, leather, and 1265 metal chains to the car seat.

"Now, if anyone speaks, moves, thinks, or even _BREATHES_ without my permission, I will turn this automobile around and force you all to watch Sesame Street on Ice!!" 

All four chibis, even Chibi-Chibi's eyes went like this: O_O, and instantly shut their mouths.

Vegeta smirked at them. "That's better."  
And so the five (four of them with horrified faces) sped off to the ice cream shop. Who knows what horrors await them....

*******

As you may have guessed, To Be Continued......

(A/N: Next chap: Chibi-Usa and Vegeta vrs. the pimply faced teenager at Baskin Robins....)

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	3. We All Scream For Ice Cream, or Chibi-Us...

(A/N: Thank God!! F.F.net is working again!!! What in the Hell happened any way?!! Tch, well, that's another one of life's mysteries...READ ON!!)  


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The bell to the Baskin Robins shop rang as four chibis and a Prince walked in. The pimply faced teenager behind the counter's eyes widened as he saw the height of Vegeta's hair. It was beyond that of an afro, even Mr. Satan's. But he kept his composure and squeaked out a "Hello? May I help you?"

Vegeta looked down at his list (again).

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3) ONLY 3 ICE CREAM CONES A PIECE!!! The only exception is Goten, who can only have one.

Vegeta did a kind of half-smile, half-smile thing.

"Yeah, I want (counts on fingers) seven cones of a creamy ice cube and make it snappy before I blow your ass to Kingdom Come."

The pimply faced teenager raised an eyebrow. "Would you like a sample?"

He looked down at the four squealing chibis, all of their eyes pleading.

"What in the blue Hell is a sample?"

The P.F.T (pimply face teenager) felt like he was talking to a two year old.

"Uh...a sample of our ice cream..?"

"If I get one of these sample things will it make my woman happy?"

"Uh...sure...I guess...."

"Fine then."

The P.F.T gave him a small pink spoonful of Rocky Road. The moment the spoon touched Vegeta's lips, his eyes lit up. 

"MORE."

"Uh....okay sir....would you like a different flavor?"

"What ever, just gimme s'more of 'dat shit!!"

The P.F.T handed him a spoonful of French Vanilla, his hand shaking a little. The chibis were sitting in chairs behind him with inpatient looks on their faces.

Trunks growled. "Hey Dad, have you ever heard of the term "share"?"

Vegeta looked behind him. "Oh yeah, you're the one with the birthday aren't you?"

"....That's sort of the reason we're here...."

"Fine."

Vegeta bust open the glass case with his fist and threw out a tub of Neapolitan, leaving P.F.T . very.....very....pale.

"Have fun." Vegeta grumbled as he tossed them spoons as well.

The P.F.T. piped up. "Are you going to pay for that?"

Vegeta gave a grunt. "One of you brats take care of him will 'ya?"

Trunks, Goten, and Chibi-Chibi, who were totally engrossed with their Neapolitan, turned to Chibi-Usa.

She sighrd. "All right, I'll do it. Luna P henge!!"

Luna P trans formed into a huge wad of counterfeit bills. Chibi-Usa walked over to P.F.T.

"Here, go buy a cheap suit, or a hooker, or some acne medicine or somethin'...."

P.F.T. gave her a huge smile. "Hey thanks little girl!! I needed some moo-lah for some Clean and Clear!!"

Before he left the store he added: "By the way, I'm a member of Project C.U.T.E.!!! (Chibi-Usa Is Terrific Everyone)"

Chibi-Usa was about to sit back down to the Neapolitan when P.F.T came storming back in.

"Hey!! This is Monopoly money!!"

Chibi-Usa rolled her eyes. "Well what did you expect? I'm eight years old. Did you really think I would have a stack of dejanaro that thick? Did you think I was some grade-school pimp?!"

She went back to her ice cream.

"Pay me NOW or I'm calling the Cops!!"

Goten faked a surprised face. "Oh_my_God!!! Oh puh-puh-please mister!!! Don't call those bad old coppers on us!! We promise, we'll be good!! By the way, if you didn't realize it that was _sarcasm._"

Trunks' eyes widened. "Goten! You....you sounded so intelligent!!! It was just....spooky...."

"(^_^) I know!! I've been using my word-of-the-day calendar!!"

Trunks sighed. "Well that didn't last long...."

P.F.T started getting angry. "Hello?! Anybody home?!! I said I was going to call the COPS!!"

Chibi-Usa snapped her fingers. "Hey Veggie-man, would you mind ki-blasting him to Hell for me? He's getting really annoying. Thankies."

Vegeta grunted and Big Banged him. P.F.T was completely charred black and wheezed out a puff of smoke. 

"'Ya know what? This is on the house and I'm just gonna leave....like now...." he said and rushed out of the place.

__

2 Hours and 31 flavors later.....

"Chi-bi." Chibi-Chibi let out a burp.

"Hey Mr. Veggie-head, shouldn't we be going home now?" Goten said groggily.

"Yeah Dad, it's almost 9:30," Trunks added.

Vegeta looked at the clock on the wall and then at Bulma's list (again).

__

3)Take them home for cake. IN BED BY 10:00 NO LATER!!!!

Shit, I didn't know it was this late!! They have to get home NOW!! Or else the woman will get mad at me!!

"Brat! Kako-spawn!! Hurry!! Fly home right now!!"

"....Uh, Dad, the car?"

"Screw the car!! We have more than one!!"

Goten and Trunks began to fly to Capsule Corps. Vegeta almost followed, but.....

"Mr. Veggie-man!!! We can't fly!!" squeaked Chibi-Usa.

"Chibi CHIBI CHIBI?!!!!!?!!"

Vegeta growled. "Well that's not my fault now is it?!"

He started to fly off when he heard he again.

"Bulma will be mad if you leave us here...."

Vegeta's eyes narrowed. "....You truly are evil aren't you?"

Chibi-Usa grinned. "No shit Sherlock."

Vegeta grumbled as he picked both Chibi senshi up and took flight. Unfortunately, he was oblivious to the fact that things were only going to get worse from there.....

*******

To Be Continued......

(A/N: Next and last chap: Happy hour....I'll let ya'll think about that.....)


	4. Happy Hour! (aka the end)

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As soon as they got home they immediately lit the candles on the birthday cake. While Vegeta's back was turned, Goten thought it would be "funny" to see what Vegeta's hair would look like on fire.....

"ACK!!! YOU IDIOT!!!! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!" Vegeta screamed as he touched his completely burned tresses. "My hair....my little pride and joy...."

Trunks sighed. " You know, _normal_ parents would talk about their kids that way.....not their follicles...."

"....It was the only thing I ever really loved...."

Chibi-Usa cocked an eyebrow. "You do have a wife and purple boy you know...."

".....My hair and I, we were like the odd couple, just like familly....brothers even.......EXCUSE ME!!!!" Vegeta wiped away tears and ran to his sulking place: the closet.

Goten shook his head. "Trunks....your dad has issues....."

Chibi-Chibi nodded. "Chiiiiiibi...."

Goten patted her on the back. "Man, you could say that again."

"Chiiiiiibi...."

Trunks jerked his head. "They understand each other?"

Chibi-Usa rested a hand on his shoulder. "Well think about it, Chibi-Chibi is two, Goten is a simpleton. If you examine them their languages are very similar." 

"Ahhh....I see...."

"So now what are we suppose to do?"

Trunks scratched his head, like he was deep in thought, and then and idea struck him.

"I know!! The magic drink!!"

"The magic drink?"

"Yeah, it comes out of this little package, and you mix it with water and stuff in a blender. It makes your head feel really funny though...."

"Oh, why the Hell not!! Try everything once!!"

***

Vegeta pouted to himself in the closet as he held his Scooby Doo doll.

"Oh Scooby, what would I do without you? You're so good at listening! You're the only one who understands me!!"

He checked "the list" again. 

__

4) DON'T LET THEM GET INTO THE MARGARITA MIX!!! I REPEAT!! DO NOT LET THEM GET IN THE MARGARITA MIX!!!!

Vegeta suddenly heard the blender blaring and he knew he was in trouble.

"Oh....sweet Kami-Sama...."

By the time Vegeta had gotten into the kitchen, it was too late. All four of them were drunk as skunks, and were jabbering non-sensical things....

Goten staggered over to him. "Hey VEGETABLE, is a JELLY-filled donut in the FRUITY_TOOTIE section?!!!!!!"

He sighed. "Kakorot....your genes are truly beginning to shine through this child....too bad...."

Trunks yelled over to him. "NO!! Donuts have HOLES in them so they're in the SWISS CHEESE (Princess of the Monkeys: Eat Cheese!) department!!!!!!"

Chibi-Usa shook her finger at him. "Stupid, stupid, stupid....donuts come from cows....so they're in the dairy department....."

Chibi-Chibi walked over to Goten and slapped him on the rear. "Hey good lookin', what's cookin'?" 

That was the first real string of words she ever said in her entire life.

Goten glared at her. "I ALREADY TOLD YOU!!! A BOX OF STOVE TOP AND A BANANA!!!!!!!?!!!!"

"Kiss me you fool!" said Chibi-Chibi, and shoved the two of them in Vegeta's closet.

".....Well that was odd," said both Chibi-Usa and Trunks, who were now sober.

Vegeta shook his head. "That's just sick...." And then his eyes widened. "AND THEY'RE IN MY CLOSET!!!"

The three of them rushed to the closet and flung open the door, only to find the two of them in mid-makeout. Everyone's eyes went like this: **O_o**

Chibi-Usa turned away. "Oh my God!!! Dende!! MUST you play such mind games with us?!!!"

Goten finally came out of his drunkenness and looked at Chibi-Chibi, then looked at the group, then at Chibi-Chibi again.

"What in the blue Heck happened?!!"

Trunks started cracking up. "Y-you mean....you don't remember?"

"I wouldn't be asking 'what in the blue Heck happened' if I knew what in the blue Heck happened, now would I?!!"

"You....and the big-headed thing....oh damn! I can't even say it!!"

Vegeta grumbled. "You and the big-headed brat were getting hot-and-heavy in MY closet!!"

Goten shyed away from Chibi-Chibi. "Ewww...this is worse than when I got married to Trunks in Vegas...." (A/N: Remember chap. 1 people! Bulma said in her instructions that- oh! Am I babbling? Sorry....)

Trunks beamed. "You put me on a higher standard than her?"

"Yeah, but only because you're my best friend."

"Aww, c'mere buddy!!"

Goten and Trunks wound up in a big bear hug.

Chibi-Usa whispered to Vegeta. "Me thinks your son is a bi-sexual...."

"I know, the only person I can talk about him to is Scooby....The Woman doesn't understand...."

"Do you want to talk about it Veggie-man?" asked Chibi-Usa, sitting down at Bulma's desk.

Vegeta lied down on the couch like he was visiting the psychiatrist. "Well, it all started when I was a wee Saiyan Prince . I don't think I got enough hugs from my parents growing up...."

"Do you think you transferred that non-existent love from your parents to a Scooby Doo doll?"

A light bulb appeared over Vegeta's head like he just had a breakthrough.

"By George!! I think I did!! Thank you Doctor!!.....I men Urchin!!"

Chibi-Usa shook hands with him. "Just doing my job, one day at a time."

It was just then when Bulma came through the door from her meeting. She raised an eyebrow at the scene. Her son and another little boy were in a deeply enveloped hug. A little girl was shaking hands with her husband, who happened to have a Scooby Doo doll tucked under his arm, (she wasn't even going to ask about that). And a two year old was sitting in a closet, laughing about....nothing.

She cleared her throat. "So....how was the party Vegeta?"

Vegeta stopped talking to Chibi-Usa and turned his head towards Bulma. "I did just as your stupid list said. First, I blew up one of those "game videos" and got lost in some balls with a brat with a huge-ass head. Second, we hijacked that "Robins in a basket" place and tried these "sample" things. Last, my hair burnt up, the retards got in the margarita mix, and I figured out that the pink urchin is a better listener that Scooby-chan!!"

"....So basically it was the birthday from H.E. double hockeysticks?"

"You have no idea....."

(Yeah, it's like the ending now.)

*******

(A/N: Well, I'm thinking of making a "Carnival from H.E. double Hockeysticks," but it's just an idea. Anyways, anyhoo, my fic after this one is very VERY dark, for DBZ/SM crossovers anyways. You lucky people who are reading this right now, I'll tell you a secret. (Usagi....is a hooker....) Well, that's all telling for now! Ja! ~Flirtatious Flamingo~)


End file.
